sigh

The world falls apart, slowly but surely. I know it's really lame, emo and cliché to blog about how depressed you are, but it's a little hard not to be down. I cursed PT today and really reflected hard about why the heck I was in this program. It took every ounce of will I had in my tired, tired body to come to school for 8 AM this morning. Why should I be up till 2 AM working on a 20% project that's due in the next day when it is supposed to be an "in-class assignment"? I stormed out of anatomy lab today because I knew nothing, picked up a soy caramel macchiato and felt a little bit better.

On another note, the CBC Literary Awards deadline is coming up, and I still have nothing left to submit. Last year I put through a short story about an obese girl with a ventromedial hypothalamic lesion but didn't make the short list. I was hoping to enter something this year but nothing I write is within the 2000-2500 word range...more like the 100-200 word range. I mean first prize is $6000, and that money could be going towards my wedding...

I wish I had more time.
This really sucks.

At least the good thing about being down is that you resort to the habits that pick you up. I did a project last year on music and motor control (sensorimotor integration) but one thing I read about a lot in the literature was sensoriaffective integration, that is that music is able to easily influence your emotional centers. Whether or not there is an auditory cortex connection with the amygdala and other limbic structures matters not (there are...) - it's the phenotype that I really care about on a day-to-day basis, because the moment you get sad you look for a pick me up.

When I feel stupid I listen to Regina Spektor and Sarah Slean. When I feel cool I listen to Cool Calm Pete, Lupe Fiasco, and The Cool Kids. When I feel hipster I listen to Emily Haines, Metric, Kate Havenevik, Priscilla Ahn. When I feel old school I always listen to Nas' Illmatic. When I study I listen to Imogen Heap. Today, I listened to Radiohead and Metallica because I was angry and needed motivation to not be down.

So in the words of James Hetfield:

These days drift on
Inside a fog
It's thick and suffocating

His sinking life
Outside it's hell
Inside, intoxicating

He's run aground
Like his life
Water much too shallow

Slipping fast
Down with his ship
Fading in the shadows

-Metallica(The Unforgiven III)