there was a time

"when we were younger we had nothing to do so we'd close our eyes and spin around in circles / happy to hit the ground / happy to just fall down"

I just sat down to type something out and thought I might just leave y'all with these Communist Daughter lyrics, just because I find them really impacting and nostalgic. I was just about to hit "publish post" when I got a call from the police constable I chatted to yesterday.

In the wake of a destructive fender bender, buying patio furniture for our new house, finishing Block 2, and all other things adult, it just hit me at how my childhood is dying. I no longer see the world in the same naive and innocent way, a playground full of potential and free of rapists and pedophiles. I might still apologize to a stuffed animal when it falls from the bed to the ground, but I've come to realize that that's the extent of my imagination nowadays. I can't pretend anymore.

I can't go to the park and sit cross-legged and run my hands through the sand for an hour believing that I'm manipulating the earth like a Naruto character. I don't know how to touch the sky at the top of my swing peak anymore, nor can I pretend that by putting on a decoder ring from a box of Lucky Charms I now have powers like the Green Lantern. What was once a subjective reality is now just a game.

So as I look through the front window out onto the street and see that adorable five year old kid riding shirtless on his bike with training wheels, I'm disappointed that when I look through the front window it's just a kid on a bicycle with training wheels.

When I was younger that'd be Paul Bunyan on a Kawasaki Ninja.