Adam

today
i looked out the window:
the expanse of the

empty

field filling my field of view.
there, among the corn rows
waving hello in the wind to nobody in particular,
adam took his life last winter.

i woke up that christmas day in my christmas pajamas
slipped on my christmas slippers, put on my
christmas grin. i went to the window to look at the snow,
traced a snowflake from its origin high up in the sky
to its insertion
on adam's immobile head.

he sat there facing my window, looking me in the eye
as if saying "this is your fault juliet".
his hands were open, honest.
his wrists were open.
the field was open, tainted with crimson all around
artistic malificence.

stunned and wanting to scream,
i stood there wide open.

oh adam, First man,
i am not your Eve.
i am Juliet,
i belong to Romeo.

yesterday, when you came to the barn
said, "sweetest juliet", knelt to one knee
opened the box
and told me to run away with you
the apple rose in my throat, choking.
adam
do you not understand?
i am a betrothed woman
given to the baron of our land
i thought about family - daddy,
jackson, millie - where would they go?

"what's more important
family or love?"

i turned away and ran as fast as i could
but the real answer was
"they are the same."

and so adam
you sit there in the snow
contemplative meditation
i run down the stairs in my christmas pajamas
my christmas slippers
into the field, feet cold and wet
crunching as i reach you
hold you
cry scream yell
unfair no no no no no

later, when i put a knife in myself
i feel nothing.
i could never cut myself as deep as you've cut me.