4 days

I had this dream last, last night that was slightly unnerving. I was in our angiography unit in Rm. 3 which is the room we do cerebrals in. I had just woken up from the procedure and was sitting in the bed and Dr. Ashforth comes out from behind the lead wall and tells me that there was a gigantic aneurysm in my brain and there is no way he can do a coiling or any type of surgical intervention. He then drops the bomb - in less than 4 days I will die, but the problem is that he has no idea when exactly it will happen and that I should probably avoid doing anything strenuous or sudden so avoid making it explode.

I just remember the whole entire dream being really sad and thinking about things we normally don't think about. Looking at it simply, my first Ur defense is shattered since I no longer denied the inevitability of death. I remember contemplating whether or not it would be fair to propose and get married to Mag because I'd be dead in a few days, or whether I should just let her go on and possibly find someone else in the future. I thought about making a will, but I don't have much stuff so it'd all probably go to Mag. I thought about how sad it was that I worked all summer and that I spent so much time working on physio applications and all of it being very meaningless.

I remember this one moment where we ended up eating at pho with me, Mag, Ellis and Will, and Mag and I just started crying together while Ellis and Will kept eating their pho none the wiser. Then Mag reminded me I probably shouldn't have any excessive emotions in case that might kill me and that dissolved the moment. The part that scared me the most was that the whole dream radiated with an air of tension, a constant niggling worry I couldn't avoid. I felt like I was constantly writing a final exam for four days straight.

I have to say waking up to darkness and the knowledge that I was not going to die in four days (actually, who really knows?) was very well received by me. I've never been happier to see 3:46 AM on my alarm clock.