iamb frustrations

i am Bic, pent a' meter.

There I appear, swollen into text that
breaks,
that sounds so syntactically incorrect,
that syn-CO-pates with a disarming rhythm;
life the stretched skin of the drum of the drunk beating drummer.

moving like a fibrillating heart,
i trample and careen like bison off a cliff -
head smashed in buffalo jump -
only to parachute to safety once more;
thank God for the reserve parachute.

But then I see that I would rather fall madly,
Icarus out the sky of his own free will,
than return right like the Wrights,
just so I can feel what it is like to bleed,
to say: "I have failed" rather than "I don't know."

And so I ask:
What if Jesus stepped onto Lake Kinneret and drowned?

***TRANSLATION***

I am a pen (Bic), pent up about time (meter). Also, iambic pentameter, which is the irregular poetry form that Shakespeare uses that is both simultaneously ugly and extremely metrical.

There I am, appearing as text swollen with meaning that cracks because it's weighted down with knowledge (little bit of solipsism, haha!), text that sounds weird because of the form of writing, text that uses syncopation (rhythmic stressing of the off beats) with a rhythm that takes you by surprise - this is my life that spans time like the skin of a drum spans a drum, that is irregular in its events like the beatings of a drunk drummer.

I move like a heart that is fibrillating, that is my life spasms irregularly. I haphazardly approach my goals like a drunk clamoring off a cliff, like the bison that drop off the Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump cliffs here in Alberta only unlike them I do not drop to my death because I am lucky to have a parachute (which would symbolize all the things in my life that act as backups: Parents, friends, savings, etc.).

But the irony here is that I would rather fall to my doom, just like Icarus fell out of the sky when his wax wings melted, but the comparison is that I would just slip out of my wings instead if I was Icarus. I'd rather do that than return to the ground like the Wright brothers, the first men who strapped themselves to an airplane and dared to fly. I just want to know what it's like to not ever reach my goal, to fail completely rather than say "I'm sure I haven't reached it yet, but I think I'll get there...sometime...soon...possibly?" I'd rather know that I am done, that there isn't any continuation - I'd rather have an answer so I know what to do.

So then I ask: What if Jesus, king of all things great, stepped onto Lake Kinnerat (the lake where he walked on water), but instead of walking on water and just being amazing, he completely failed and drowned instead. I'm not saying I'm Jesus, I'm just saying what does it mean for someone who is confident of their ability to fail completely?

Just a thought.