dream

I have this dream I keep thinking about. It's not really that original but it means a lot to me, and I hope I can make it a reality. I have this vision of going to this place where I have no idea what the language is and nobody has a clue who I am. I am armed only with my Moleskin and trusty RSVP, my goniometer, tape measure, transfer belt and stethoscope. The setting is war-torn or post-apocalyptic earthquake or something equally devastated.

I complain a lot about humanity dying and the world not caring enough. The truth is that I do not do enough and am only complaining about how I don't do enough. My answer is simple: To go out and do something. I excel at holding a patient's hand and not seeing them as a patient but as a person. It is easy to become jaded in health care and we all vow not to but this feeling of giving your heart out to every patient you see is something I never want to lose.

I went to see my patient who I worked closely with, the same one who allowed me visit to their home and showed me photos of them as a child - black and white things that are timeless and precious. L. had gone to the hospital for a severely leaky mitral valve that led to a serious pulmonary edema. L. was going to be discharged from the program, and one Sunday at cell group I went out on a whim and prayed for L.. Whether it be due to divine intervention or simply coincidental luck (confound - we'll never know), L. got better, and on Friday we went to the heart institute for a visit. That is a moment that will stay emblazoned in my neocortex for all time - the "Hello Joey" as they entered, the "You'll have to work very hard with me Joey" when talking about exercise, L. asking me about our house party and the social worker commenting "My that little L. loves you, how come we weren't invited to your house party?" and finally me giving L. a hug and saying I couldn't wait to see L. back at the program.

Mag once wondered aloud why I am so moved by every ebb in health my patients undergo, and it's as simple as saying that these relationships mean a lot to me. I said before that if it matters so much to me that one be healed, then it will mean so much more to heal a lot. I must go to a place that needs me, because I need them and together we will heal the world.

So hurry up school and finish so that I may be the answer to all those e-mails sent out from the Canadian Physiotherapy Association calling for physios to Haiti. My heart cries out to be divided million-fold to those that need aid - mitosis for the masses.

oh eurydice

Today I am Orpheus. I climb alone but never really alone, for you are behind me and I cannot see you but I have faith you are with me. I have faith that we are together and I believe that once I reach the peak I will see you and we will be united. But this is the journey I must adhere to, this is the promise I must keep so that I may have you. And so I climb, I skip, I leap, I bound. I trudge treacherous trails and seek to do the unimaginable for I wish there a future for us. A fate worse than this is unfathomable.

So I lead, because you must follow. Let me walk ahead of you and guide the way, let me pave the road which is not tangible right now but will be once we make our steps.

You see, today I am Orpheus because I want to look back. I could try and lose you, because my faith would not be so strong. But today becomes tomorrow with the movement of the clock's hand, and tomorrow I am not Orpheus and you are not Eurydice. Tomorrow I am me and you are you and we will walk with a mission. I am strong, I have no mar in my heart that would ever make me doubt the slightest that you do not walk in the shadows of my footsteps. I have faith you will walk with me always, even if I cannot see you.

There is no looking back. Vivacissimo; let us run.