pastoral sorrow

I love meaning. In my opinion, which need not be matched by yours, there is nothing more to life than bringing meaning to it. Every action should have a purpose and everything should be layered with a deeper understanding.

With that preamble, I segway into a profession, nay, a lifestyle that I find impressive. I find pastors particularly admirable because their life is riddled with meaning - they take a concept and run with it and find it in everything. They believe in something beautiful, a meaning rich and laden with lessons and love. I find them so powerful because they have this unwavering faith that everything in their life rests upon, and they are never swayed by anyone attempting to dismantle what purpose they attribute to everything.

On the flip side, I likewise find pastors particularly vulnerable. They base their existence on something that is not tangible. They abide by a philosophy subject to ridicule, speculation, misunderstanding and hatred. They dress in a manner that sets them obviously apart, like the lone Flames fan at an Oilers game. They are the underdog - small in stature but giant in heart.

I speak only of this because I saw God's soldier perhaps at his lowest point today. I was drinking coffee at Tim's and I noticed this small, Filipino pastor sitting alone in the corner window with his noticeable collar and his unassuming black jacket. He sat straight up but his head was bent down as if he was having a bad day. He sported a gigantic white cast on his right hand that looked pretty fresh, and had a tray of a Wendy's Value Meal in front of him. He was rather serious about eating, but the part that broke my heart was when he tried to eat his fries. He couldn't quite co-ordinate plucking his fries with his casted hand, so he simply held it in his left hand and shook the fries into his mouth. He looked so alone and so helpless; I have always seen a pastor orate mightily at his pulpit and have never once seen one at his nadir.

I have never wanted to sit and talk with a person more in my life, but I sat frozen in my spot watching him. I rolled up my rim and it said "please play again" and I left. I did not bring meaning to my day.

You see the irony is that I bet that pastor wasn't alone, because God was sitting across from him sharing his fries and pondering how incredibly awesome it is that He invented an affordable Value Menu at Wendy's.