daddy

There are a lot of things that scare me in life. For example, tomorrow I have my MSK midterm and lumbar spine scares me because I should be studying it but I'm not right now because I'm tired and posting instead - very productive nes pas? The dark still scares me sometimes, especially after I've watched a scary movie or played Bioshock so that I whistle while I go downstairs with the lights off just to let the monsters know that I'm there and I'm ready to decimate them if they make a move.

I think one of the things that scares me the most is growing up. There is a lot of change involved with regards to taking on responsibility and changing your outlook and personality that just doesn't jive until you do it and realize you actually might be in a better off place. I look back on the things I used to do and enjoy doing and I think some days that yes I do miss that kind of lifestyle where things were so carefree, but then at the same time I'm glad I got the push in the right direction to move on because in retrospect it was fun but not that meaningful.

Dr. Magee lectured last week on forearm, hand, and fingers all in one go, and he had this little anecdotal story about his daughter. A little backdrop to this - Dr. Magee is our resident Gregory House. He's a master at MSK assessment, he's intimidating as intimidating gets, and he locks you out of class if you show up late. He tells us about how when his kids were young, his daughter decided to slice the tip of her finger off. She stuck her finger in the spokes of their exercise bike just as Dr. Magee's son started it up and zip there it went. They rushed her to the hospital and she did manage to get most of it sewed back on, so the story does have a happy ending.

The funny part is that Dr. Magee knows healing and he knows not to be ridiculous, but still he made this gigantic foam thing to go around his daughter's hand, some hilarious contraption like one of those foam #1 fingers they wear at football games. He said, "I know it doesn't make any sense, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let anything touch my little girl's hand." The whole class naturally awwd, especially since this was Dr. Magee, ruler and dictator of physiotherapyland. The beast has a soft side we have found.

I guess the reason I'm thinking about fatherhood is because Mag is really looking for a place to move into, and babies seem like the next step in the relationship chain, esp. with Chris and Connie getting their bun in the oven. I think though that out of all the things that prospectively should scare me the most about growing up, being a dad isn't one of them. I mean it would obviously be really inconvenient if Mag suddenly told me she was pregnant with the child of God and I had to raise him, but I honestly can't wait to have little Chloë or Jayden or Liam or Kingston running around chasing poor Shelby's tail. Having a kid never really seems to make much sense unless you consider it evolutionarily, but I think when you're a dad the role finds you rather than you having to go figure out what to do. I'm sure I'll regret saying that when I have to figure out how to change a diaper and I'm wondering how on earth such a tiny thing can produce so much poop. I obviously don't speak about daddydom with experience, but that's what I'm assuming will happen, just as Dr. Magee naturally assumed protector of his child's hand.

So maybe I haven't really thought this through. I guess it doesn't really matter - I just hope I'll make a good Daddy.