the language of validation

A while ago, I went to Seattle. When I was in Seattle, I met a guy who I had pho with and who introduced me to bubble tea with a Christian spin. Somewhere along the line Mag asked him if he had any book recommendations, and he told us to read The Five Love Languages.

I hate self-help books. There's nothing more cliché and pointless than sitting around reading about how you can improve your life when you should be out there improving your life yourself. There is no how-to guide to making life happy for yourself, you have to get out there and whittle it out on your own. Be it so, I found myself in a dip in my relationship with Mag, so I read it. It was interesting, albeit cliché, but you all know I love perspective and it provided a fresh way to look at love and life.

My primary love language is words of affirmation. That makes sense, right? I like words, so naturally words mean a lot to me. I need someone to say "thank you" when I do something, or "thanks I really appreciated that" for me to feel like it was a meaningful thing to do.

You see where this is going right?

I realized earlier today walking down the stairs from Rutherford library that I need to be validated. I struggle with anonymity - I want to do good deeds and not need to be recognized for it but I don't think it makes any difference in the world if it isn't recognized. I need someone to tell affirm what I'm doing in order for me to feel good about myself. I always tell myself I don't care what other people think, but the reality is I guess subconsciously I really do. My ego denies what my id knows.

I realized this when someone spoke words of affirmation about me today and I really enjoyed it. Then I realized they spoke words of affirmation about me today and that I enjoyed it and now I don't really enjoy it.

Am I so superficial?